In simple terms, it means taking responsibility for the person you used to be and how you caused harm to the people in your life who care about you. Additionally, making amends reinforces an individual’s commitment to sobriety and personal growth. https://ecosoberhouse.com/ It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person.
Seeking Comfort During Grief: Too much, too little, just right
By proactively and “promptly” admitting wrongs, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a lapse in unhealthy behaviors or a return to use. As a part of Sobriety my recovery process, I have reflected on my behavior and realized that I have hurt you in the past though my___________. I do not expect anything in return and sincerely appreciate you taking the time to (read or listen) to me. Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends. Some people on this list may be harder to approach, so readiness is key.
Understanding AA Step 9
Essentially, don’t make promises that you can’t keep and do everything you can to live up to the promises you do make. The unfortunate truth is that we’re all human and we all fall short sometimes. However, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed at your new, honest and sober lifestyle.
Fulfill your promises.
If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. People get tired of broken promises, of forgiving over and over and giving second and third, fourth, or fifth chances only to get hurt again. When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises. Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again.
- It is also crucial to understand that the other person may never be ready.
- Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego.
- Talking with your sober community about your history with drugs or alcohol can help you identify what you need to make amends for.
- In the 12-step program, making these amends is a core part of recovery, helping to rebuild trust and personal accountability, which are key aspects of the 12-step recovery process.
- Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.
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- Living amends require a voluntary fundamental redirection.
Tips for Dealing With Grief, Guilt, & Regret
You can start making amends by showing up, even if it’s years later, to do the things you said you’d do. Being helpful toward others can mean lending a hand to friends and family who need help moving, checking in on elderly parents, or offering to babysit their nieces and nephews for a parent’s night out. These changes in behavior help toward the goal of reestablishing relationships or making them stronger. One vital point often discussed is whether extending an apology is the same as making amends.
It demonstrates the capacity for growth, redemption, and the ability to transcend the limitations of one’s past. In rare cases, making amends in recovery may inadvertently lead to further harm or negative consequences for the individual or the person receiving the amends. It’s crucial to consider the potential risks carefully and work closely with a sponsor or therapist to navigate these situations. Step 9 also allows one to practice the processes of self-reflection, accountability and making amends, all key components the next step, Step 10.
In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. Deathbed promises are a common way people make living amends.
Individuals living with addiction often push their loved ones away, which can cause significant harm to their relationships. Healing and building a healthy support system is a critical part of the recovery process. To repair relationships, people often need to make a living amends. Understanding the harm you caused the people in your life is critical for reflecting on your addiction. Making a living amends involves apologizing to your loved ones that you hurt and using your actions to prove you have changed and are living amends definition committed to living a healthier and sober lifestyle.
Make a List
Another example is a substance or alcohol-addicted adult child who regularly steals money, jewelry, and other valuable items from their elderly parent’s home. However, they may suddenly feel guilty and decide to change their ways. They can make a living amend to change their lifestyle, get sober, and stop stealing from their parent. Living amends refers to making promises to the people in your life whom you’ve wronged or who have hurt you. These promises focus on rebuilding your relationship with a loved one and moving forward from the pain of the past.
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If they take my words for granted, sometimes, I take a break from talking. I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past). He’s a teenager, so I try to let him function at that age level. When he runs out of clean clothes, I don’t lecture or offer solutions.
